How to Talk to Your Spouse About Collaborative Divorce

How to Talk to Your Spouse About Collaborative Divorce

When a marriage is ending, discussing divorce with your spouse can seem an insurmountable mountain to climb. The different options to traditional litigation, like mediation or collaborative divorce can be a less adversarial and supportive to a long term relationship; yet the topic is very difficult to bring up and have an honest discussion about with your soon to be ex-spouse. Here are some tips on opening up a dialogue about some of the benefits of the collaborative process. Hopefully, some of these ideas will make an insurmountable mountain seem easier to climb.

Benefits of the collaborative process

When bringing up the idea of collaborative divorce it can be helpful to stress the main benefits, such as:

• Children – The approach is focused on family and relationships. A team of specialists may be utilized, including a child specialist, to help you and your spouse create an effective parenting plan. Part of creating that plan is to consider the developmental needs of your child or children, as well as the family as a whole.
• Cost – The collaborative process is a more streamlined approach and often much less time consuming than traditional litigation, which often results in significant cost savings.
• Control – You and your spouse will have control over your agreement and the process that will affect your children and yourselves. The collaborative team will help you reach an agreemen, but the key decisions are yours to make. This is unlike litigation where a judge, who does not know you, your family or your day-to-day life and needs, makes a decision on your behalf.
• Privacy – Your family will not be in a courtroom discussing private family matters. The airing of delicate topics in a courtroom can add to a feeling of an adversarial process and can even create feelings of humiliation or trauma, which may understandably lead to a difficult relationship post divorce.
• Time – You and your spouse choose when to meet based on your availability and schedule. This is more convenient and often resolves much more quickly than if you were dependent on the busy divorce court schedule with no control over when your case is heard.

When spouses can work together with the assistance of a team of specialists, the agreement reached is often much more agreeable to both spouses and something the whole family can live with and move forward. Through communication and compromise, a different kind of family relationship can evolve. One that is particularly important if there are children involved. Although bringing up collaborative divorce to your spouse can be scary, it is a helpful option for many couples to end their marriage amicably.

If you are facing divorce and have questions about the collaborative process, contact an attorney at Kvale Antonelli & Raj. We can explain the process, what to expect and how to talk to your spouse about this approach to determine if it’s the right option for your divorce.